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Change your identity of who you believe you are, and you can change your life.

These words ring true in ways I did not realize until recently.

No, it’s not because I just watched the Disney movie Cruella (which Emma Stone was brilliant in). It’s because, after 11 months of following through with new habits to achieve my yearly goals, I am beginning to feel different.

This feeling is not just physically but mentally too. In a previous post, I detailed my new habit to get fit. As I have continued to work toward my end goal of 10% body fat, I have begun to think of myself as a person who belongs in the next-level category of fitness.

Each time I work out, I track my progress and I see that I am getting stronger. This is to be expected. But what I didn’t realize was that I began to feel like I could stand next to certain other physically fit people and feel like I belong.

For example, at a recent holiday party at my friend’s house, one guy there who is known to be the most moral and virtuous person is also one of the most physically fit people. I hadn’t seen him in about 6 months or so.

The first thing he said to me after hello was, “Wow, you look great!”

Now the previous me would think, “Oh, he’s just being nice.” Or “I don’t look that good, but man, what did I look like before?” But this time, I graciously accepted his compliment and thanked him.

My transformation wasn’t as significant as some other people, like Dave from AccidentalFire, have documented but it was significant enough for people to notice. But more importantly, it was significant enough for me to notice. My mindset and self-identity had shifted.

I had made a concerted effort to get fit and knew that I am on my way to becoming a strong and athletic person and my future life has now been changed for the healthier.

Daily Habits

Other habits that I do reinforce internal beliefs about myself. I take pride in the fact that I show up on time or reasonably early to events that have start times. Showing up late or showing up too early can be seen as rude.

Because I believe that I am a punctual person, every time I show up late, my self-identity as a punctual person takes a hit. Each crack in that foundation leads to self-doubt and a change of identity.

Not only do I start to believe that I am not as punctual as I thought I was, but other people start to think, “This guy is never on time anymore…”

Repeated actions lead to habits that create personal identities Click to tweet

Gaining a reputation as a hard worker is something that everyone knows will get you far. I can be lazy after I have completed all of the tasks for my day. But, if I were lazy to start the day and ended up not completing all of my tasks, people will start to notice.

Once people change their perspective of me at the workplace from a person who can reliably get everything done to one that is lazy, my identity changes. I begin to become known as the person who is lazy and lose the persona of a reliable, hard-working person.

How to Change your Self-Identity

This leads me to an exercise I practice sometimes when I have time to think and let my mind wander. This thought exercise is to think about how I want others to think of me, and not how they currently think of me. I try to shape my external identity to fit the identity I have of myself.

This is an important distinction. I do not care if they see me in a different way. I only care about the identity I project outward. I cannot control what others think and therefore, do not care what they think of me because it will be from their perspective and their tinted lens. I can only control myself.

I can only control myself Click to tweet

Once I have determined what I want other people to see I think about what actions this type of person would do to reinforce that identity. If there is a tough decision to make, I think about the person I want to be known become and try to figure out what they would do.

Do I pass up a chance to network with senior leaders at my company to go have fun and bond with friends at a bar? The former could lead to outsized gains in my professional career, but the latter would be fun.

Do I let someone treat me like they can walk all over me, or do I stand up for myself and call them out on their actions? The former is nonconfrontation, but the latter would tell them and others that I would like to be treated with dignity and respect.

Do I eat ice cream and have an after-dinner cocktail or go with the fruit knowing that I have a workout planned for the morning? The former would be yummy, but the latter would make me feel better and give me energy for the morning workout and the rest of the day.

All of these scenarios have happened to me in the last week and, for each one of them, I have thought about what I want my identity to be. My internal identity thinks I should do one thing, but my external identity might be pushing me to do the other.

Therefore, I must prove to myself and others over and over again who I really am. And who I am is whoever I choose to be. All I have to do is continue to prove it.