“Don’t compare your chapter 2 to someone else’s chapter 20.“

-Friend

This quote was said to me right after college and has stuck with me for almost 10 years. It is a good realization of the fact that we are all on different paths and different timetables. Whenever I think about this quote, I also think back to Jay Shetty’s video about how everyone’s timing is different. If you want to take a look at the previous posts in the quote series, take a look here.

I used to always be comparing myself to others. I still do a little but not nearly as much. When I’d compare myself, I’d feel a pang of jealousy followed by a feeling of guilt. The jealousy is obviously because I wanted what the other person had or was or looked like. Then, once the jealousy faded, I felt guilty for being jealous. It was a vicious cycle that happened in different parts of my life.

Professional

Coming out of college, I thought I knew everything. I would look up to the people at the top of the company, be envious of what they had, and thought I could do what they did. They managed teams of people with multiple levels of managers under them, had budgets to work their priorities and were in the critical meetings, and made decisions that impacted the company in ways I wanted.

I thought, “If only I could be where they are, I would make such a huge difference.” My thinking was all about what they had and what I didn’t.

Instead, I now work with what I have, what is in my control. Managing my managers, or managing up, is a great way to influence folks to make decisions based on my beliefs. I also have a couple of college grads I manage now and can shape them to be great professionals.

The mind-shift change from looking outward to looking inward was hard. Those folks at the top of the company are way ahead of me in their professional careers. I will get there someday, (if I want to) but I’ve still got some time.

Financial

To me, a financial comparison mindset to can be boiled down into one phrase, “Keeping up with the Jones’s”. They have the flashy car, the big house, and extravagant vacations. From all accounts, they look to be living the good life.

They might be! Or they might not. I just don’t know. They could have made it big with investments, or earned a ton of money earlier in their career, or received quite a bit of help from the Bank of Mom & Dad.

On the other hand, they could be stretched thin, living paycheck to paycheck. One unexpected big-ticket expense like car repairs or a health emergency could send them spiraling downhill.

But that’s just it! I don’t know which situation these people are in. They could be living large or just look like it. Either way, does it feel right to compare what they have to what I have? Is that really what I want?

It also could be luck and good fortune that they were in the right place at the right time, got the right opportunity, and made the most of it. Does that mean I should be jealous of them? Should I feel bad about myself because I do not have that?

I have come to realize that I have enough wealth to keep myself and my wife happy. Do I want more? Yes. Would business-class plane tickets for a vacation every 2 months be nice? Of course, yes. Do I need that to be happy? Probably not. I like the stealth wealth philosophy.

I have time to make more money and be able to afford the things that I want. As long as I follow the right financial principles, I will get to the point where I will be comfortable and happy. I just have to be patient.

Family/Friends

Everyone’s path is different and people get to different life stages earlier or later than others. Some of my friends got married before me and I was jealous that they were “ahead of me” in life.

Different friends bought a house and fixed it up and I am still renting a 700sqft apartment. Does that mean I am a failure because I don’t have a big beautiful house to come home to?

Side note: I think that having a large house is just more stuff to clean and take care of. Sounds like a headache to me. A 4bed, 4bath house to me sounds like 4 toilets that need to be maintained. 😜

My brother, who’s 2 years older than me, got married when I was still single. I was ecstatic when he told me he was going to purpose to his girlfriend. I liked her and thought they fit well together. A true team. Exactly what I wanted.

In addition to the joy, I felt behind in life. Was I really going to show up to my brother’s wedding with no date? All of my family would be looking at me, judging me, and asking me where’s my plus-one. That’s what I thought would happen.

I, instead, focused on becoming the best brother I could and realized that made me become a better person. Once I became a better person, it attracted a girl that was looking for that kind of guy. Once I started focusing on myself, and not comparing my life to my older brother’s, I found the teammate and life partner I was hoping for.

Physical

Everyone loves those 6-pack abs right? The gold standard of fitness. What about the big arm muscles to show off? Aren’t those the glamour muscles?

I wished and wished I had a cut body and ripped abs that those guys had. Sometimes I still look at them and think about what it would take for me to get that. Do I have the body frame to hold that kind of muscle? Do they take steroids to get to that point?

Then I started to realize, I don’t need to be like them. I just need to be fit for me. This year, I started with the proverbial goal of having 6 pack abs by Dec 31^st. I gave myself 12 months to get that body that I’ve always wanted.

So, what did I do? I researched what it would take to get there, what types of exercises should I do, and what percentage of body fat it would require. I focused on myself and stopped comparing what I was to what they were. Once that happened, something crazy started to occur.

I began to see results from my hard work. I made a plan and stuck to it. 6 months into it, I look and feel better than I have since high school. All it took was to stop looking outward, to stop comparing myself to others, and focus on how I can improve myself.

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Conclusion

What I realized as time went on, is that what I have is pretty great. Yes, I want more but I need to understand that I have some good things going on for me too. There needs to be a balance between ambition and gratitude.

I start every workday with 3 things I am grateful for. This keeps me in check and helps me focus on all of the wonderful things that are going right for me. Once I complete this exercise, I realize that I‘ve got it pretty good even if I don’t have the corner office or the big house.

What are you grateful for?