Happiness vs Satisfaction
“It’s OK to be happy and unsatisfied.“
I signed up for Ramit’s newsletter a couple of years ago and have gotten emails from him between once and twice a day since then. Some are better than others but the one from July 5th included a topic that really hit home for me and had this happiness vs. satisfaction discussion in it. If you want to take a look at the previous posts in the quote series, take a look here.
I find it difficult to separate the two feelings of being happy and being satisfied. So, I figured I’d get some definitions together, I am an engineer after all.
Happy
As you would expect, Merriam-Webster has many definitions for happy. The one that I believe is the most applicable for this discussion is:
Enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment
When I feel happy, I find myself having just had a fun experience with either my friends or my family. I am usually happy when the people I love are safe and healthy and those around me are enjoying themselves. I get enjoyment from enabling other people’s enjoyment.
Satisfied
Merriam-Webster‘s definition of satisfied really throws a wrench into my previous paragraph:
Pleased or content with what has been experienced or received
When I am satisfied, I have received something that pleases me or am content with the outcome of some experience. I can see how there can be a lot of overlap between being happy and being satisfied. Let’s dig a little deeper into the example that Ramit gave.
Professional
Ramit’s business is mostly about financial well-being and how to help enable people to live a rich life. He has a section of his website that focuses on how to help people find their dream job.
In this case, he goes into how people can give really poor career advice saying things like, “You should be happy you even have a job nowadays.” I absolutely agree with Ramit that this is an awful way to think about a career or even a life situation.
I do think you can be happy with where you are currently but still want to grow and move up the ladder. I have talked about being grateful for what I have right now, but does that mean I will never want to have more in the future?
I think that thought process is the difference between happiness and satisfaction. I recently got a new job about 6 months ago. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy at my old job but I couldn’t put a finger on why I was so frustrated until a recruiter called me and gave me an opportunity to switch to a new company.
What the interview/recruitment process taught me was that I was happy with my job but I was not fulfilled with the work I was doing. I was unsatisfied but I didn’t realize it until someone showed me an alternative.
What I wish for you is that you take a moment to think about what cool, interesting, or challenging project you have worked on in the past. How long ago was that? Have you completed a task that made you feel fulfilled in your work?
I know we are happy to have a job right now. I am also grateful that a recruiter called me and I picked up the phone. But I am extremely satisfied with my new company and my new work. I probably won’t be picking up the phone for another recruiter any time soon.
All other areas of Life
It is probably obvious that this situation could also be applied to the financial part of life. I am happy I have enough money to pay rent. I am happy that I have enough money to put food on the table. And buy clothes. But I am not satisfied with my current living situation. I want more.
That wanting for more is something that drives people to grow. If I was completely content with what I have right now, 100% satisfied, then I wouldn’t want to change a thing. I would want things to stay exactly as they are in whatever situation they are in. Why would I want them to change if I’m satisfied with their current state?
But if I want to become a better engineer, I need to change, learn new things, and apply them appropriately in my job. What if I want to have deeper friendships? I should change what I am currently doing and call them more to be there for them.
How about a richer relationship with my wife? Should I keep doing the same things and expect different results? Einstein described that process as insanity. If we want to grow and/or change our life, we should stay unsatisfied with our current situation.
Now I am in no way saying you should never be satisfied. To me, satisfaction is the reward for achieving a goal that I set out for myself. I allow myself to feel satisfied and celebrate that achievement. Then I can look forward, create new goals for myself and continue to grow.
I am currently extremely happy with my life and enormously grateful for all the things I have in it. There are some areas that I am unsatisfied with because I want to grow.
What areas in your life are you happy but unsatisfied with?
It took me over a decade to come close to these realizations. My struggles were economic hardships and substance abuse. I’m extremely happy with my life and family now but it’s all still very new. I used to get sober and be happy day to day but the gnawing poverty always brought me back down.
Today I’m still working on my own self worth, creating financial stability and pursuing education. I feel the more I do, the more distance it puts between my family and the circumstances that caused all that pain in my first 28 years of life.
This is an amazing deep dive into happiness and satisfaction. I feel like I’ve always been happy but there are periods of my life when I’ve become unsatisfied with my work situations. I suppose that would be a good way of explaining my accidental retirement. I loved my company and my job but I was not satisfied with the ownership situation, and our lack of ability to get stuff done in a timely fashion.
Now I am generally much happier in my early retirement, but I’m still not 100% satisfied. There’s more I want to accomplish and do, I just want to do it at my pace going forward.
Thanks for the comment! I have felt varying degrees of both throughout my life and I think it is important to note that these levels of happiness vs satisfaction are not necessarily constant. I think Tony Robbins has a point about the worst place to be is around a 5-6 out of 10 on the happiness scale. You’re not fully happy but you’re not completely upset to where you would do something about it. So you float through life being “fine”. Doesn’t sound like that is you but thought it was a good point to bring up.
One or twice per day for an e-mail is a lot. I would view happy and satisfied as similar but based on your post they are not.
Thanks for your comment! I would be curious to hear why you view them being similar. They definitely have similarities and a case can be made for that.
Maybe all of them? I’m very grateful for what I have but am always striving for more as well.
Thanks for the comment! Keep pushing forward and growing! I always say, “if I’m not moving forwards, I’m moving backwards”