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Human beings love to be right. When we have different viewpoints than other people, simple discussions can turn into major arguments. Disagreements become fights and relationships breakdown. Once rich and fulfilling relationships deteriorate.

This is what happens when we stick to our stubborn mindsets and forget that life is a team sport. Working together to come to a solution everyone agrees with helps the entire team become successful.

Pet Peeves

There are some things that I just can’t stand. These buttons, when pushed, drive me up the wall and I totally lose it. My response is pure impulse and I forget about putting myself in the other person’s shoes.

Recently I moved into a new house and, as the seasons are changing, the weather is getting warmer. It’s at the point where we are switching from using the heat to using the A/C. This is a point of contention for me and my wife. I like the air set one way and she likes it set another way.

This was not a healthy conversation for either of us since we both had assumptions about the other’s motivations that were incorrect. I didn’t think about her happiness and only thought about what I wanted.

What I should’ve done was talked it out with her, tried to understand what she wanted, and explain what I was thinking. Through proper communication, we could’ve nipped this silly argument in the bud and moved on with our night.

It is almost always the little disagreements that cause the most stress in a relationship. It’s because they can build up and the other person can start to keep score. This is when humans try to win versus keeping their relationship strong. So, let’s try to not have those petty arguments.

Steps to Resolve a Petty Argument

1. Listen to what they want and why. Make sure you are listening to understand and not listening to respond. Ask follow-up questions if you need clarity on why they want something.
2. Explain what you want and why. Be honest about this. Don’t try to manipulate the other person or lie to them because you know they can’t counter that reason. Relationships built on lies are not strong or rich.
3. Now that both of you have had time to talk, let them propose a solution or two to get the process started. Allow them to talk without interrupting them so that they feel their views are heard.
4. If necessary, present your ideas for a solution. If they are similar to the other person’s or not far off, then you know you are closer to a solution than you think. Otherwise, keep brainstorming ideas.
5. Once an idea you agree with gets brought up, understand that the solution should be something that they are happy with too. This can take some time and may have to happen over multiple sessions. That’s okay. Permit yourselves to agree to disagree at the moment while committing to finding a solution at a future point.

If it comes to that, try to schedule a time when the discussion can resume so that both parties know that we are working together toward a common solution.

Helping people be right is more productive than proving them wrong.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith

As we move forward in our life, we will always have disagreements with other people. Most of the time, it is with those we care about the most. They are usually the last people we want to hurt.

When we take a step back and try to help our life partners be right rather than prove them wrong, everyone wins. When everyone wins, your life will become richer because your relationships will become richer. And that is a beautiful thing.