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Success can be tough to define. We all want it but most of us have a hard time defining success. Or we define it incorrectly for ourselves by following someone else’s definition.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be successful. When I was playing little league T-ball, I thought the championship was success. When I cut my neighbors’ lawns after school, I thought I was making the big bucks.

Then I got serious about school and thought that a B or a C was a failure and that I would ruin my life if I got those grades. Once I got into the workforce, I thought getting the biggest salary with the highest title was what I’d define a successful life by. These definitions of success are ones that I adopted from others’ influences.

But once I found a group of friends, got married, and bought a house, my definition of success shifted again. Right now, my definition of success is spending time with the people that I want to and not who I am forced to be with.

Definition of Success in American Culture

In the American culture I grew up in, there was always pressure to get the best grades, make the varsity sports teams, and go to college. It wasn’t as bad within my family, but I could see how my classmates were hyper-focused on ensuring they lived up to the expectations of their parents and teachers.

When I was deciding what profession I should go into, there was always the nudge to think about the traditional “successful” professions of becoming a medical doctor or a lawyer. The people giving me these nudges were only thinking of the best for me based on their definitions of success.

That would be earning the highest income possible to provide for myself and my future family. I knew I didn’t want to be either of those, but I still subconsciously got the hint. If I wasn’t going to be a doctor or a lawyer, I needed to find a way to make as much money as them in order to be successful… in their eyes.

So, I adopted their definition of success and worked to make as much money as possible. As an engineer, I am still able to create some life balance but I have friends that went to law school and are working 60+ hours a week at law firms making 4 times as much as me. But they are miserable.

These definitions of success are ones that I adopted from others’ influences.

Personal Definition of Success

Why are my friends miserable making so much money? Because they bought into the fact that earning the most money at all costs is the only way to a successful life. This is where self-reflection can help redefine one’s definition of success.

This is obviously important because we only have one life to live so don’t waste it living someone else’s definition of a successful life. But more personally, when we do this, we realize what is the highest priority in our lives. We can go back to our morals and values.

Re-evaluating what and where we spend our time can be eye-opening. Especially if we are an average of the 5 people we interact with the most and we mostly spend those with our co-workers. Let’s do a little calculation.

Calculation

In a 7-day week, there are 168 available hours. If we sleep on average 7 hours a night, that’s 49 hours of sleep. Assuming we now can work from home, let’s say we have 0 hours of commuting a week. Preparing food, eating, clean-up, showering, laundry, chores, and general self-care probably takes on average 5 hours a day, 35 hours a week. 49 + 35 = 84 hours.

Combine 84 hours of general self-care and sleep with your 60 hours of work. 84 + 60 = 144 hours. That means, out of the 168 total hours in a week, 144 are already accounted for. That leaves 168 – 144 = 24 hours.

If you average that over the 7 days, that’s a little less than 3.5 hours a day. That’s if you also work full days on Saturday and Sunday before going back into the work week on Monday to work another full week. Over and over again.

Let’s say you’re not that crazy and work only 5 hours on Saturday and nothing on Sunday. That leaves 55 hours for Monday thru Friday or 11 hours of work per day. Combine that with your 7 hours of sleep and ~3 hours of self-care during the weekdays (no grocery runs during the week).  

That makes 21 hours accounted for and 3 hours left in the weekday to recover and be with your family/friends. On the weekends, 14 hours of sleep + 5 hours of work + 20 hours of self-care = 39 hours. 48 available hours – 39 accounted for hours = 9 hours left. Assuming you use those hours extremely efficiently and are unlike the average American you’d be doing alright.

But, the average American in 2020 spent ~3.1 hours a day or ~21.7 hours a week watching TV according to a US News article. But you don’t want to watch tv during the weekdays because those 3 hours are precious, so you cram the TV hours in on the weekend.  How can you watch ~21.7 hours of tv in the 9 hours of free time on the weekends as well as spend time with your family and friends?

You Get the Point

This back-of-the-envelope calculation shows how quickly our time can run out (especially when we spend so much time in front of the TV). In general, I have decided that I do not want the highest salary at all costs definition of success.

I’d rather spend my time with my family. Being there for them when they need me or in case of emergencies.

Success to me is being able to balance both a successful career that provides enough income for my family and having time to spend with those I care about most. What is your definition of a successful life?