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You are an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Jim Rohn

We don’t have to do it all by ourselves. Actually, we will get further if we don’t do it by ourselves. When we create a network around ourselves of helpful, supportive, and motivating individuals, we create a compounding system of success. This is networking for a rich life.

If habits are compounding, then a solid support system compounds positivity and growth and stops detrimental habits in their tracks. This can be powerful since getting into the wrong habits can compound in the wrong direction.

Before we get into a discussion about networking, let’s define what networking is and what it isn’t. According to Google, networking is “the action or process of interacting with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts.”

I think it is important to note that the purpose of networking, according to this definition, is to exchange information and develop contacts. This purpose can sometimes get in the way of making lasting contacts since we might only need a quick piece of information and nothing more. That is a surefire way to make a bad name for yourself though.

Therefore, we have to be careful how we approach networking. Because everyone is different, each of us has a different way to network. Here are three ways that are helpful to create relationships that can enhance our lives.

Networking Like The Best of Them

First, networking is not about collecting contacts, it’s about building relationships. Nobody likes a mooch. Therefore, when we meet new people that we want to be part of our network, don’t ask for help right away, get to know the other person first.

Starting up a conversation with a stranger is hard. Over time, I have used a trick I learned in college. If I am having a hard time thinking of what to say next, I ask one of the 5 F’s. The 5 F’s are Friends, Family, From, Fun & Future. For example:

• “Where do you meet some of your friends?”
• “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
• “Where are you from?” “Did you move a lot when you were a kid or stay in one area?”
• “What do you like to do for fun?”
• “Where do you see yourself after your current project is over?”

These can be great ice-breakers that get to know the person behind the professional contact and connect on a deeper level. We can use these questions to build a bond that can go beyond just that person that works for that other company over there. This way we become memorable, which is important to ensure that we are at the top of their mind when they want to reach out to someone with an opportunity.

Networking is not about collecting contacts. Networking is about building relationships. Click to tweet

Second, each contact should be treated like any other relationship, it needs to be cultivated and cannot be one-sided. Like I’ve said in previous posts, we need to make sure it is not a take, take, take relationship.

When we ask for help, we need to make sure we offer something in return to help them get something out of it. It doesn’t have to be a product or service even. It can be their satisfaction that they helped us achieve something.

In this case, follow-up is critical. If someone gave me advice and it turned out to help make my project successful, I make sure to reach back out to give thanks and gratitude for their help. In this way, I am hoping to give back by making them feel wanted and important in my life.

Third, every interaction is an opportunity to network with others. We are always going to see friends, family, or co-workers in different situations. Even on vacation, we might meet others at the pool or on the hiking trails. All of these situations can be a place to network with new and different people or to create deeper connections with people currently in our network.

I recently got back from a family vacation and while there I always wore some clothes that tell something about me. Whether it is the university I attended for undergrad or the area of the country I live in or the company I work for. The reason I do this is because it is a conversation starter.

While walking by another guy at our hotel who was wearing a t-shirt from a different NCAA school, we started talking. His school was still in the Men’s Basketball NCAA tournament while mine had lost the previous night. We bonded over the fact that we were fans of college basketball and that wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t wearing those t-shirts.

This led to a conversation about where he was from and what he did for work. From there, the conversation had nothing to do with college basketball and that’s okay. It didn’t have to. We had the conversation starter that helped break the ice and led to a chance to network.

Networking Is About Confidence

These situations can and do happen all the time. So why can’t it happen to us more often? We have to get over the fact that strangers are not always bad people depending on where we meet them. At a hotel, when we were both on vacation, it was a sheltered place to ensure that everyone there was not threatening in any way.

But we don’t have to be on vacation to have these interactions. We can be at a happy hour waiting for our drinks at the bar and spark up a conversation with the person waiting next to us. We can start a conversation with someone else on the hiking trail going at the same pace we are. Or we can be purposeful and go to a networking event to meet people.

These are all situations that can help better our network. Whichever way we choose to network, remember that networking is about building relationships and cultivating them over time.

Don’t forget to use the 5 F’s to help if you’re like me and have trouble generating conversation sometimes. It’s okay, to go in with a plan and have a “cheat sheet” in your back pocket. Nobody will know anyways.