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If someone asked you to write down a list of the things that make you happy, could you do it in 5 minutes? I put a time limit on it so that you write down the things that come to mind first. The things that would be put on paper would probably be the things that are relevant to the specific events of that day.

Now, what if I gave you 5 hours to write down a list of the things that make you happy, but you could only list the top 5? How would that list be different? But most importantly, what trends would you see in your top 5 list versus your first list?

Are they mostly status things? Are they helping to build your self-confidence or your self-worth? Are they experiences that happen once and then are gone? Or are they the feelings that you get when you’re in a particular situation?

My guess is that many of the things on the list aren’t material things but experiences you have with the people you value the most. Those things that you love to do even when they aren’t at their best, but they’re better than anything else. Like one of my old co-workers used to say:

A bad day on the golf course beats any day at work

Being Content

I believe that being content is the true key to happiness. If I have everything that I want, then I truly am living the best life for myself and should be happy, right? As Eric Jorgenson says in The Almanack of Naval Ravikant:

Happiness is what’s there when you remove the sense that something is missing in your life.

The Almanack of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgenson

The problem is that I have a hard time being content with what I have. It’s not that I am ungrateful for all of the wonderful things in my life. It’s that I am always pushing forward and want to be better, not only for myself but for my wife and family and friends.

This constant drive can be useful when working at a job or for a company that values drive, ambition, and self-motivation. But it can also inhibit my happiness because I feel that I am never good enough or not living up to my potential.

This balancing act is important to recognize. The only way I cope with it is to realize that in some cases I am happy and in others, I want more. I may be happy with my current situation but in a few years, I’d like something different. That’s the thing, happiness is fluid and ever-changing.

Similar to the mean reversion principle where things with enough data points will always revert to their long-term mean or average level. I believe, that without radical change, our happiness levels revert to the mean of the past year.

What would you say at age 14?

While away on vacation, we talked to someone who said that they are a teacher in France. Every year, they would give their middle school-aged students an assignment to write 1.5 pages answering the question, “What does happiness mean to you?”

That’s amazing! In America, we are focused on test scores, not happiness. We are focused on getting a job and making money, not how to be content with what we have. We are always looking forward to what’s next. I am guilty of this.

But what if we were asked at age 14 to write about happiness? I would say something like an amusement park or water slide and add in a world-famous Maryland crab feast and a Star Wars marathon. That would’ve been 14-year-old Dan’s dream day.

Aside from that, it would be difficult to picture what happiness would be for 14-year-old me. I wouldn’t have thought about money at all. Everything I’d bring up would be fun experiences with my family or friends.

At age 20 or 30, it would be something totally different. And that’s a beautiful thing. Happiness changes because, in my opinion, it is linked to being content with our current situation. Whether it is professional, family, friends, physical, mental, spiritual, or financial, I believe we feel the most happiness when we are content with where we are at in all 7 aspects of life.

What does happiness mean to you?